I’ve been reading and learning a lot about stories lately: The stories we tell others, the stories we tell ourselves, and the power that stories can have on both the teller and the receiver.
Our stories are real, and I don’t think we realize how powerful they can be in both good and bad ways.
Two personal examples…
The Teacher Who Changed My Life
One of the required classes when I was in 6th grade was Choir. And one of the requirements in that class was to sing a solo in front of the entire class. In my mind, that class probably had a 100 kids. In reality, it was probably more like 20-30. We were told that the lowest grade we would receive if we fulfilled this assignment was a B. For a student who always strived for straight As, and as a very shy and quiet 11 year old who was scared to death to do this assignment, I thought that a B would be acceptable—my goal was to just get it done and survive it.
I practiced at home, and the day came when it was my turn to sing in front of the class. I’d been taking piano lessons for 6 years at this point, I’d performed in numerous recitals and adjudications, and while I always felt a bit nervous when performing, those feeling were nothing compared to what I felt that day.
I can still remember it—in vivid detail.
I can still remember what my choir teacher looked like.
I can still remember what song I had to sing: “Let It Be” by the Beatles.
I can still remember how absolutely terrified I was of standing in front of my class and sing. I was not a singer. I was not comfortable standing up in front of a group, especially a group made up of my peers.
But, since the lowest grade I could receive was a B, I stood up and started to sing.
I don’t remember anything about how I sang except that I was terrified.
I got it done. All of my effort and bravery would be worth at least a B.
I got a C+.
And I was devastated. My confidence was shattered.
My mom was absolutely furious, and she met with my teacher.
I don’t remember what happened. I don’t remember if he changed my grade.
I just remember getting that C+.
And that experience affected me for years to come. It might still be affecting me in some ways even decades later.
I never sang a solo again. I’d sing in choirs at church—in a group, making sure I didn’t stand out. I sing the hymns at church, but not loud enough so my voice stands out.
I’d sing to my kids when they were little, but only if no one else could hear.
I love to sing to my grandsons as I rock them to sleep, but only if no one else can hear.
That teacher changed my 11 year old life and for years to come. Because of him, and the message he sent me—whether intended or not, my confidence took a major hit, which I know kept me from being brave and trying new things.
And every time I hear that song, “Let It Be,” I’m automatically taken back to that day in 6th grade choir. And those negative self-thoughts start to swirl.
I’ve had to work hard to remind myself that what that teacher did was wrong. And I need to tell myself a different story.
The Teacher Who Changed My Life
When I was getting ready to start the 8th grade, and I saw who my Advanced English teacher was going to be, I was not happy. At all. In fact, I got my mom to talk to my counselor to see if I could change teachers. I feel bad even writing this, and I hope I’ve come a long way since the 8th grade, but I’d heard some things about this teacher that made me not want to take her class. Yeah, I know…pretty judgmental. But, the school wouldn’t let me change teachers since she was the only teacher who taught that class. So, with a pretty bad 8th grade attitude, I went to 8th grade Advanced English.
And this teacher totally changed my life.
How?
Even though she knew I wasn’t happy to be in her class—at first, she taught me, she challenged me in both my thinking and in my writing, she encouraged me, she spent time helping me become a better writer, and she gave this very shy and quiet little 8th grade girl confidence. We dove deep that year into some pretty advanced literature, and I was writing 30 page, very complicated papers by the end of the year.
Not too far into the year, my whole perspective and attitude towards her changed. And I learned two very valuable lessons:
- Don’t judge others. Just don’t. Although I’m still working on this one and probably will be for the rest of my life.
- I can do hard things. I can do harder things than I ever imagined.
Because of this teacher, I learned how to put my thoughts into words.
Because of this teacher, the rest of my English classes throughout high school and college were so much easier, and I excelled and further developed my love for literature and writing.
Because of this teacher, I was able to help all of my kids with papers throughout their school years, and I was able to share my knowledge with them.
Because of this teacher, since most of what I do professionally involves writing of some kind, and since I also love writing my own stuff, I’ve been able to do what I love to do, hopefully serve others through what I write, and feel fulfilled in what I think is one of my purposes in life.
So yes, I can literally say this teacher changed my life.
I’m so grateful I had to stay in Mrs. Crawford’s 8th grade Advanced English class.
My experience with Mrs. Crawford and her class actually did restore some of my confidence, which I’m so grateful for. But the negative impact that first teacher had on me has been a story that’s stuck with me for decades.
Like I said, our stories can be so powerful. I hadn’t thought much about stories until I read the book, Stories That Stick, by Kindra Hall. I’m not sure how I found this book, but I was so curious to dive into the power of stories.
And I absolutely loved it. Especially since I was writing a couple of blog posts for a client that included information about stories and the power of stories, mainly related to business and marketing.
Kindra’s second book, Choose Your Story, Change Your Life, had recently been released, so I immediately ordered it and devoured it.
And I absolutely loved that book too. It dives deep into how the stories we tell ourselves can influence our lives, and it was eye-opening for me. The subtitle for this book is, “Silence Your Inner Critic and Rewrite Your Life from the Inside Out.” I learned so much about how the stories I tell myself, even from decades ago, can still play into my thoughts, into the choices I make, and into what I choose or choose not to do. Kindra also shares a process for rewriting and replacing negative stories, and I’m trying to put that plan into action in my own life with some of my stories.
What’s next in my study of stories? These two books:
I’m hoping I can learn even more about stories and how to write and share stories that can positively affect others because we’re way more likely to remember a story someone shares—or the stories we experience ourselves—than random words we hear or read on a page.
Here’s one last thought about stories, and I heard this quote last week. Perfect timing for this post!
“Be intentional about the story you tell yourself about yourself.” ~Jon Acuff
What are some stories you tell yourself? How do they affect you?
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