“I’m so stressed.”
“I’m so stressed out.”
I think these two phrases, and ones that are similar, are pretty common these days. I find myself saying them from time to time too. More often than I’d like sometimes. I’ve had periods in my life when I was so stressed out that I wasn’t sleeping, eating correctly, working out, or simply enjoying life. I felt like I was at my breaking point, which is unusual for me. And that is not a good place to be or live in, and it took a much greater toll on me that I’d realized until I worked to eliminate as much extra stress as possible. So, since stress is a part of life, and as I’ve been there and done that and worked to learn how to better handle stress, I figured others might have been in the same boat or might find themselves there in the future.
So, what is stress? How can stress affect us physically and mentally? How can we better manage stress? How can we look at and deal with stress in more healthy and positive ways?
All great questions. Questions I’ve tried to find answers for in my own life.
Let’s get some answers to these questions!
First off…
What is stress?
Stress is the body’s reaction to the demands of daily life that cause us to react physically, mentally, emotionally, or any combo of the three. It can be triggered by a big event (move, wedding, new job, new child, new relationship, chronic illnesses, financial difficulties, loss of a loved one, etc.) or by our surroundings and those in our surroundings (work environment, responsibilities, goals, home environment, personal relationships, and so on). Throw in a global pandemic and its aftermath over the past few years, and stress has reached new levels for many of us, even though we’re seeing more and more of a return to “normal.”
Stress is simply a part of everyday life, and it can affect each of us in different ways, often depending on how we choose react to the stressors in our lives. And while we tend to focus on negative stress, there are actually two types of stress: distress and eustress.
Distress is the negative type of stress, which we simply often call “stress.” How common is destress? According to one study, 49% of adults in the U.S. experience stress that negatively affects their lives. So if you’re ever feeling stressed—the destress type of stress, you’re not alone.
Eustress is the good type of stress, and while it can still feel “stressful,” it can actually propel us forward to accomplish good things IF we allow it to. It can help us feel good about life, help us work towards achieving our goals, and help us stay motivated.
Here’s the deal: In most situations, we get to choose how we’ll react to the stressors in our lives. We can approach a situation with a fear of failing, a fear of how things will turn out, feeling overwhelmed, and so on, which can lead to some negative effects (more on that to come). Or…we can approach a situation with excitement about learning new things, overcoming new challenges, and experiencing new growth that can benefit other areas of our lives. And yes, changing our perspective about stress from a negative reaction to a more positive one can be a hard thing to do. So hard. But choosing to react to stress in more positive ways can really be life-changing.
The effects of stress
When our bodies react to the stressors around us—whether that’s destress or eustress, the levels of hormones like norepinephrine, epinephrine, and cortisol can rise, creating that “fight or flight” response we might be feeling.
Destress can have the following effects on our bodies, and if our destress is chronic, these effects can worsen over time:
- Menstrual problems
- Diabetes
- Heart disease
- High blood pressure
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Obesity
- Skin problems (acne or eczema, especially
And that’s not all. Destress can also cause the following issues:
- Heart palpitations
- Gastrointestinal issues (indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, heartburn, and so on)
- Hyperventilation
- Increased frequency of colds and flu
Eustress can also effect us, and here are some ways this type of stress can actually be beneficial:
- Increased feelings of motivation, contentment, and inspiration
- Better resilience
- Increased belief in ourselves
- More apt to try new things—get out of your comfort zone
- Greater independence
- Increased physical abilities (workouts, activities, etc.)
- Increased mental growth and learning
Think back to a time when you’ve felt stressed: Did you experience any of these negative or positive effects? Did you correlate them with the type of stress you were feeling? I know I often don’t even think about the eustress type of stress or try to change destress into more of a eustress experience. I often just dwell in destress. Which is not good.
Symptoms of feeling (de)stressed out
Eustress can be a good thing, and we can use this type of stress to enhance our lives. But…how can we tell if stress is affecting us in negative ways? If you experience any of these signs or symptoms, they might be caused by destress:
- Fatigue
- Sleep issues
- Using food or alcohol to cope or relax
- Headaches
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Stomach issues
- Aches or pains
- Diarrhea or constipation
- Forgetting things
- Stiff neck or jaw
The key is to recognize when we’re feeling destressed—when we’re experiencing any of these signs or symptoms, and then try to deal with that stress in positive ways.
10 Tips for De-Stressing Your Life
We all experience stress in one way or another, and that’s a fact. However, the way we (it) choose to respond to stress can make all the difference in how it affects us, both negatively and positively. Here are X tips to help you turn destress into eustress or at least reduce the negative effects of destress.
Tip #1. Speak to yourself positively. Would you speak to others like you speak to yourself? If not, this is a great place to start to decrease the destress in your life. When you catch yourself speaking negatively to yourself, immediately change that self-talk. Build yourself up. Encourage yourself. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend. Become your own biggest fan!
Tip #2. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this stressful situation? Remind yourself that struggles and challenges are necessary for growth and achieving your goals, and since trials are a part of life, learn from them, and then use that education to help your future self and others who might be dealing with similar struggles.
Tip #3. Look for things to be grateful for…especially when you’re feeling a lot of destress. When you have an attitude of gratitude, research has shown that being grateful helps us deal with adversity better, appreciate the good things in our life more, build stronger relationships, feel better emotionally overall, and being grateful can actually improve our health! I love this quote, and I’ve found it to be rock solid true:
There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. ~Unknown
Tip #4. Take some deep breaths. This is one of my favorite go-tos when I’m feeling stressed. It really helps to center me and bring things back into their proper perspective. Box breathing is another thing that can help, and here’s the how-to:
- Inhale for four seconds through your nose.
- Hold that breath for four seconds.
- Exhale for four seconds through your mouth.
- Hold for four seconds.
- Repeat as much as needed to feel better and less stressed.
Box breathing has been proven to help with depression, anxiety, and even certain types of pain, and it can be done pretty much anywhere at any time. It’s become one of my favorite de-stressors because it works!
Tip #5. Serve someone. One of the best ways to change destress into eustress is to help someone else. We’re all dealing with something, and when we serve someone else, it takes the focus off of what we’re dealing with and puts our focus on helping others. Serving others can also put our struggles into a more proper perspective.
Tip #6. Change your perspective. Is there a way you can turn at least some of the destress you’re feeling into eustress? Try to change a “have to” to a “get to.” If something you have to do is causing destress, tweak your perspective a bit: I get to work on this project, I get to go to this meeting, I get to work out, and so on. This simple one word change can really make a huge difference!
Tip #7. Keep a journal. Journaling has so many benefits, and for me, writing down what I’m feeling and going through can be so therapeutic. It often sheds new light on things, puts things into a proper perspective, and allows me to vent, and what I write can serve as an education for future struggles. Which can be such a blessing. I’ve been keeping a 100 word daily journal since October 1, 2021, and it has been surprising how much simply writing 100 words a day (or a bit more on some days) has helped me process things, gain new perspectives, realize some new truths, make decisions, increase my gratitude, and learn from what I’m going through. All of these things have definitely helped relieve some destress!
Tip #8. Similarly, keep a list of what causes destress in your life. Once you’re aware of these stressors, you’ll be better able to handle them and even be proactive when these situations are on the horizon.
Tip #9. Take a short walk or change your current surroundings in some way. Often, a simple and even brief change of environment can change your focus or distract you for a bit, allowing you to think more clearly and realistically about what’s causing destress.
TIp #10. Focus on the here and now. We cannot control the future or change the past, but we can control the present. So try as hard as you can to stay in the present because that’s really the only space of time where we can have even a little bit of control.
“In times of struggle and stress, in the hard times: reduce your time horizon. Don’t worry about the next year or month. Don’t fret about the next week or day if it’s too much. Perhaps take on this present moment and what immediately follows. You will be happier.” ~Greg McKeown
Stress is a part of life. It’s not going away. But, where destress is concerned, we can often choose how we’ll deal with this type of stress. It really is our choice. And as hard as that is to accept sometimes, it really can make all the difference. Which destressing tip will you try first? I know I need to work on #1 and speak to myself more positively.
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