“I’m so stressed.”
“I’m so stressed out.”
I think these two phrases, and similar ones, are pretty common these days. I’ve had periods in my life when I’ve been so stressed out that I wasn’t sleeping, eating correctly, working out, or simply enjoying life, and I sometimes felt like I was at my breaking point, which is unusual for me. Since these stressful times took a much greater physical and mental toll on me than I’d realized, I wanted to learn how to better manage the stress in my life. If you’ve ever found yourself in this stress-filled space, I hope this blog post will be helpful for you too.
So, what is stress? How can stress affect us physically and mentally? How can we better manage stress? How can we look at and deal with stress in more healthy and positive ways?
What is stress?
Stress is the body’s reaction to the demands of daily life that cause us to react physically, mentally, emotionally, or any combo of the three. It can be triggered by a big event (move, wedding, new job, new child, new relationship, chronic illnesses, financial difficulties, loss of a loved one, etc.) or by our surroundings and those in our surroundings (work environment, responsibilities, goals, home environment, personal relationships, and so on). Throw in a global pandemic and its aftermath over the past few years, and stress has reached new levels for many of us, even though we’re seeing more and more of a return to “normal.”
Stress is simply a part of everyday life, and it can affect each of us in different ways, often depending on how we choose react to the stressors in our lives. And while we tend to focus on negative stress, there are actually two types of stress: Distress and eustress.
Distress is the negative type of stress, which we simply often call “stress.” How common is distress? According to one study, 49% of adults in the U.S. experience stress that negatively affects their lives. So if you’re ever feeling stressed—the distress type of stress, you’re not alone.
Eustress is the good type of stress, and while it can still feel “stressful,” it can actually propel us forward to accomplish good things IF we allow it to. It can help us feel good about life, help us work towards achieving our goals, and help us stay motivated.
Here’s the deal: In most situations, we get to choose how we’ll react to the stressors in our lives. We can approach a situation with a fear of failing, a fear of how things will turn out, feeling overwhelmed, and so on, which can lead to some negative effects (more on that to come). Or…we can approach a situation with excitement about learning new things, overcoming new challenges, and experiencing new growth that can benefit other areas of our lives. And yes, changing our perspective about stress from a negative reaction to a more positive one can be a hard thing to do. So hard. But choosing to react to stress in more positive ways can really be life-changing.
The effects of stress
When our bodies react to the stressors around us—whether that’s destress or eustress, the levels of hormones like norepinephrine, epinephrine, and cortisol can rise, creating that “fight or flight” response we might be feeling.
Distress can have the following effects on our bodies, and if our distress is chronic, these effects can worsen over time:
- Menstrual problems
- Diabetes
- Heart disease
- High blood pressure
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Obesity
- Skin problems (acne or eczema, especially
And that’s not all. Distress can also cause the following issues:
- Heart palpitations
- Gastrointestinal issues (indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, heartburn, and so on)
- Hyperventilation
- Increased frequency of colds and flu
Eustress can also affect us, and here are some ways this type of stress can actually be beneficial:
- Increased feelings of motivation, contentment, and inspiration
- Better resilience
- Increased belief in ourselves
- More apt to try new things—get out of your comfort zone
- Greater independence
- Increased physical abilities (workouts, activities, etc.)
- Increased mental growth and learning
Think back to a time when you’ve felt stressed: Did you experience any of these negative or positive effects? Did you correlate them with the type of stress you were feeling? I know I often don’t even think about the eustress type of stress or try to change distress into more of a eustress experience. I often just dwell in distress. Which is not good.
Symptoms of feeling (di)stressed out
Eustress can be a good thing, and we can use this type of stress to enhance our lives. But…how can we tell if stress is affecting us in negative ways? If you experience any of these signs or symptoms, they might be caused by distress:
- Fatigue
- Sleep issues
- Using food or alcohol to cope or relax
- Headaches
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Stomach issues
- Aches or pains
- Diarrhea or constipation
- Forgetting things
- Stiff neck or jaw
The key is to recognize when we’re feeling distressed—when we’re experiencing any of these signs or symptoms, and then try to deal with that stress in positive ways.
When Hormones Add to Your Stress
Stress is a normal part of life, but there are some seasons of life when the cause of stress can be more physiological than what’s going on in everyday life. If you’re in your 40s and beyond—in the perimenopause or menopause seasons of life, the stress you’re feeling might be a result of what’s naturally going on with the hormone levels in your body. Kind of a relief, right?!?!
There are two hormones that can affect how your body deals with stress: Estrogen and Progesterone.
- Estrogen helps buffer your body’s physiological response to stress. When estrogen levels fluctuate, your cortisol levels, the hormone that also helps regulate stress, can run unchecked, resulting in increased stress.
- Progesterone, the calming hormone, is also affected during perimenopause and menopause. When progesterone levels naturally drop during this stage of life, your natural “brake pedal” for stress is removed, leaving your body more susceptible to stress.
10 Tips for De-Stressing Your Life
We all experience stress in one way or another, and that’s a fact. However, the way we choose to respond to stress can make all the difference in how it affects us, both negatively and positively. Here are 10 tips to help you turn distress into eustress or at least reduce the negative effects of distress.
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Tip #1. Speak to yourself positively. Would you speak to others like you speak to yourself? If not, this is a great place to start to decrease the distress in your life. When you catch yourself speaking negatively to yourself, immediately change that self-talk. Build yourself up. Encourage yourself. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend. Become your own biggest fan!
Tip #2. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this stressful situation? Remind yourself that struggles and challenges are necessary for growth and achieving your goals, and since trials are a part of life, learn from them, and then use that education to help your future self and others who might be dealing with similar struggles.
Tip #3. Look for things to be grateful for…especially when you’re feeling a lot of distress. When you have an attitude of gratitude, research has shown that being grateful helps us deal with adversity better, appreciate the good things in our life more, build stronger relationships, feel better emotionally overall, and being grateful can actually improve our health! I love this quote, and I’ve found it to be rock solid true:
There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. ~Unknown
Tip #4. Take some deep breaths. This is one of my favorite go-tos when I’m feeling stressed. It really helps to center me and bring things back into their proper perspective. Box breathing is another thing that can help, and here’s the how-to:
- Inhale for four seconds through your nose.
- Hold that breath for four seconds.
- Exhale for four seconds through your mouth.
- Hold for four seconds.
- Repeat as much as needed to feel better and less stressed.
Box breathing has been proven to help with depression, anxiety, and even certain types of pain, and it can be done pretty much anywhere at any time. It’s become one of my favorite de-stressors because it works!
Tip #5. Serve someone. One of the best ways to change distress into eustress is to help someone else. We’re all dealing with something, and when we serve someone else, it takes the focus off of what we’re dealing with and puts our focus on helping others. Serving others can also put our struggles into a more proper perspective.
Tip #6. Change your perspective. Is there a way you can turn at least some of the distress you’re feeling into eustress? Try to change a “have to” to a “get to.” If something you have to do is causing distress, tweak your perspective a bit: I get to work on this project, I get to go to this meeting, I get to work out, and so on. This simple one word change can really make a huge difference!
Tip #7. Keep a journal. Journaling has so many benefits, and for me, writing down what I’m feeling and going through can be so therapeutic. It often sheds new light on things, puts life into a proper perspective, and allows me to vent, and what I write can serve as an education for future struggles, which can be such a blessing. I kept a 100 word daily journal for a couple of years, and it was surprising how much simply writing 100 words a day (or a bit more on some days) helped me process things, gain new perspectives, realize some new truths, make decisions, increase my gratitude, and learn from what I was going through. That’s a habit I definitely need to re-start again.
Tip #8. Similarly, keep a list of what causes destress in your life. Once you’re aware of these stressors, you’ll be better able to handle them and even be proactive when these situations are on the horizon.
Tip #9. Take a short walk or change your current surroundings in some way. Often, a simple and even brief change of environment can change your focus or distract you for a bit, allowing you to think more clearly and realistically about what’s causing distress.
Tip #10. Focus on the here and now. We cannot control the future or change the past, but we can control the present. So try as hard as you can to stay in the present because that’s really the only space of time where we can have even a little bit of control.
“In times of struggle and stress, in the hard times: reduce your time horizon. Don’t worry about the next year or month. Don’t fret about the next week or day if it’s too much. Perhaps take on this present moment and what immediately follows. You will be happier.” ~Greg McKeown
Bonus tip. Pray. For me, this can be the most powerful tip. When I include God in my struggles, I know that He hears me, and He will send me the help He knows I need. It might not always be the help I think I need, but I’ve learned over the years that He always knows best. Sometimes, He might remove some or all of the stress. Other times, He’ll give me the tools and strength to handle what I’m going through. Prayer can be such a blessing!
Stress is a part of life. It’s not going away. But, where distress is concerned, we can often choose how we’ll deal with this type of stress. It really is our choice. And as hard as that is to accept sometimes, it really can make all the difference. Which de-stressing tip will you try first?
Related reading:
Stress, Faith, + Blessings
What Happens When You Don’t Get Enough Sleep? 12 Simple Tips to Sleep Better
The Benefits of Kindness
Mindset 101: The Ultimate Guide to Clearing Mental Clutter and Building a Foundation for Change
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