Perfectionism and FEAR

I had another blog post I was working on for this week as part of my #septemberjanuary challenge, but this one kept coming back to me. Over and over again. Maybe it’s because I had two separate conversations about this topic last week with two co-workers—in the span of two days—who I highly respect and admire and who are really talented in their respective fields. Or maybe it’s because this topic has been on my mind a lot over the past few months. In fact, I started this post in my head about 7 months ago when I was watching one of my favorite movies, Letters to Juliet, while running on the treadmill. You know, before I fractured my foot and couldn’t run anymore. For over 6 months. 😢

I love this movie. Every time I see it, I want to book a trip to Italy, which is at the very tippy top of my bucket list. “Go to Italy” sounds like a really great way to celebrate our 35th anniversary in 2020, don’t you think?

There’s a scene in the movie where Sophie and Charlie are eating gelato in the town square, and Sophie has finally let Charlie read some of the story she’s been writing about his grandmother Claire’s quest to find “her Lorenzo” after 50 years. Here’s how the conversation goes…

Charlie: How come you’ve never shown your work to anyone?
Sophie: I never feel like it’s finished.
Charlie: Why?
Sophie: I guess I’m a perfectionist.
Charlie: You know that’s just another way of saying, “I’m a chicken.” Listen, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of.

For some reason, even though I’ve watched this movie more times than I can count, this time this scene really hit me. It’s always interesting that when you’re trying to accomplish something, especially when it’s something that’s important, things will happen to kind of push you to action. This can be true for projects, goals, tasks—anything you want to do and do well. Obviously, the push in this case wasn’t quite strong enough because…7 months. But better late than never, right?

A couple of things I’ve been thinking about from this conversation between Sophie and Charlie:

1. Perfectionism. This is something I definitely deal with, probably more often than I’d like to admit. Yes, I realize nothing is really ever perfect. On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with always wanting to do your best at something. And when others are counting on you or you’re counting on yourself? That’s even more pressure to get it right. But when that desire becomes paralyzing, and you feel like something is never good enough to say “It’s done,” like Sophie’s writing (or my writing, for that matter), that’s a problem that can hold you back from accomplishing important things and from sharing yourself and your thoughts with others. We can learn so much from each other, and we can positively influence others’ lives in so many ways. But we can’t do this if we hold ourselves back because we feel like we’re not “done.” And really…are we ever “done”? There’s always room to grow and improve.

Both of these co-workers/friends are also bloggers, and we talked about how we have a hard time hitting that “Publish” button on our blog posts. So what were their words of wisdom? (And I do have their permission to share their thoughts).

Gabi: “After years of working with other perfectionists, I have trained myself to just say, ‘Ok, this is the version I’m going with’ and move onto the next thing.”

Natasha: “It doesn’t need to be perfect. Putting it out there as it is is better than waiting and making it perfect.”

Like waiting for 7 months??? Hmmm…

2. FEAR. We talk about what fear really means in our coaching groups at work:

• False
• Evidence
• Appearing
• Real

Fear can really trip you up when you’re trying to accomplish something, and it definitely gets in my way from time to time. When you’re putting yourself and your beliefs, thoughts, opinions, and skills out into the world, it’s sometimes easy to go to this place: “What will others think about what I’m saying or doing”? Especially when it’s something that’s close to your heart or a goal you’re working on. Unlike any other time in history, you can put yourself out into the world so easily, which also opens you up for what others think about you—both the negative and the positive. And that can be scary!

But like the acronym says, unless your fears have gone from false to true, the possible fearful scenarios in your head are just that—possible. And they probably won’t ever happen!

So here’s my new “getting over perfectionism and FEAR” plan of action, and I’m giving it a try first right here on this blog post: Set a deadline for a post, do the best I can, and hit “Publish” on that date. And then check it off the list and don’t worry about it. Don’t go back and tweak it, or stew about how I could’ve done it differently, or anything.

Just. Move. On.

PS: #septemberjanuary challenge update (to keep myself accountable): I nailed 30 of 30 days of this challenge, and although my goal was only 5 minutes each day, I more often than not spent a lot longer than 5 minutes working on my goal. It has definitely proven to me that I can make progress towards a goal in just 5 minutes a day. And having a chart to mark off each day definitely helps too. 😉

I loved this challenge sooooo much that I created a new chart for my very own #octoberjanuary challenge. Wanna’ join me? What will you do during the month of October to get closer to a goal? Please share it in a comment below! And if you want a chart that’s ready to go, please feel free to use mine!

PPS: See that chart? I practiced my non-perfectionism goal on it. No…I am not a graphic designer, but I’m learning. So after tweaking this chart quite a bit, I decided, “It will do. I’m moving on.”

And I did.