Promises & Integrity

Have you ever discovered something that seriously changed your life?

Something that felt new but strangely familiar at the same time?

One of those “Duh, why didn’t I think of that before?” thoughts?

You know, one of those light bulb, ah-ha moments?

That. Changed. Your. Life.

Me too.

Some background:

When I first started working for the Powells, I knew I needed to learn all about what they do so I could be successful at my new job. I read both of their books, read all of the posts on Heidi’s blog, read through as many of their social media posts as possible, and just learned everything I could. When I was reading their second book, Choose More, Lose More for Life, and I got to the part about Promises and Integrity, I felt all of the above thoughts. And more. And what I was reading hit me. Hard. And it made so much sense!

Basically, when we promise someone else we’ll do something, we move heaven and earth to do it. We stick to our word. We don’t want to let them down. We do what we’ll say we’re going to do. We keep our promise to them. No matter what. And we have integrity.

But…what about the promises we make to ourselves? Things like…

• I’ll go to the gym tomorrow
• I’m going to eat healthier this week
• I’ll start limiting my time on social media tomorrow
• I’ll get X done today (you know…that thing you’ve been moving from day to day to day)
• I’ll stick to my budget this month
• I’ll start writing that book (or something else you’ve been passionate about doing that you’ve been putting off for whatever reasons #fear)
• I’m going to reach out to that friend I haven’t talked to in a long time
• I’ll start doing X tomorrow
• Likewise, I’ll stop doing X tomorrow
• And on…and on…and on…

But then, for whatever reason, we don’t do what we’ve told ourselves we’re going to do, and we break those promises to ourselves—we lose some of our personal integrity. We’d never think of doing this to someone else, but we do it to ourselves, and we actually let ourselves down, although we might not even think about it that way. And sometimes we do this again and again and again.

One problem is that we make promises to ourselves that are too big, and so it’s hard to keep them every day or however often we’ve promised ourselves we’ll do them.

Another problem is that our promises aren’t SMART…they’re not specific enough, so they’re really difficult to keep.

And still another problem is that we make too many promises, and we’re doomed at keeping our integrity intact from the get-go before we’ve even taken that first step.

Thinking back, I could see how I’d not kept promises to myself in the past, even though sometimes I had some really great—and valid-feeling—reasons for not doing so.

I could see how my promises were often too big or too many, which made it hard to keep that integrity with myself.

Chris and Heidi talk about making promises that are so small and simple that there is no way you can’t keep them—you’ll keep them no matter what else happens. 100% of the time. Except for something like you’re too sick to work out and your promise is to work out 5 minutes a day. That’s a valid reason to not keep that promise to yourself that day. But still…those types of reasons are few and VERY far between.

Here’s a great example they often share: On the show, they’d teach the contestants about promises and integrity, and then a while later, they’d put them to the test. If a contestant had promised to do 30 minutes on the treadmill, they’d go to them at 29 minutes and tell them, “You’ve done great! You’re done for today! That’s good enough.” And then they would try to get them off the treadmill. You know what? That contestant would fight—kicking and screaming if necessary—to stay on the treadmill for that last minute. Would 1 minute make any difference in their transformation progress? No. But…not doing that 1 minute would break their promise to themselves, and their personal integrity would take a hit.

Powerful, right?

Here are some examples from my own life where I’ve made promises to myself but not quite kept them or settled for “good enough.”

“I’ve done 3 1/2 of the 4 sets I committed to doing, but I’m so tired. I don’t need to do that last 1/2 set today.”

Broken promise. Loss of integrity.

“I’ve committed to reading my scriptures for at least a few minutes every day, but gosh, it’s been a long day. I’ll skip it tonight.”

Broken promise. Loss of integrity.

Get the idea?

And while these are NOT life-altering things, when I don’t keep those promises and commitments to myself, I know it, and it does affect me.

If you’ve been following me on social media or reading my blog the past couple of months, you know I’ve been doing a monthly challenge. It started with my #septemberjanuary challenge, which led to my #octoberjanuary challenge, then to my #novemberjanuary challenge, and yes, to my current #decemberjanuary challenge. For this challenge, I promised myself I’d write for 5 minutes a day. Any type of writing counts, as long as it’s for me (not for work, etc.). But I have to write for at least 5 minutes. Only 5 minutes. And that promise is 100% doable since I can write on any of my devices or on paper and it’s only 5 minutes. 100% doable.

We were in Kentucky a few weekends ago for our niece’s baby blessing, and it was late Saturday night. We’d spent a busy and fun day with family, I was really tired, and I was lying in bed reading Girl, Wash Your Face (which is an awesome book, by the way!), and getting really sleepy. I happened to be reading the chapter about promises, and I remembered I hadn’t done my challenge for the day. I rationalized not keeping my promise because I didn’t want to get up out of the warm, cozy bed to get my laptop, and if I did get up to get my laptop, I didn’t want the typing to wake up John. Valid reasons, right? But after some more internal discussion with myself, I realized I’d be reading for at least 5 more minutes, so I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and typed up notes for this post. Which actually took me longer than 5 minutes. Then I kept reading.

Promise kept. Integrity intact.

Another recent example:

I’m in Utah to help with Kam’s new baby, and two nights before her scheduled c-section date, she really wanted a last “before baby comes” treat, so we went to Krispy Kreme! One of my promises to myself is to stick to my nutrition plan. When we got to Krispy Kreme, I was torn between the chocolate glazed, maple glazed, and original glazed. As I was trying to decide which to choose (the chocolate and maple were definitely in the lead), I had this conversation in my head: “Glazed will keep me on plan for the day. But I really love chocolate and maple, and this is kind of a celebration. But then I won’t keep my promise to myself. Is chocolate or maple really worth that? But this is a special occasion. But…” And so on and so forth. Luckily there was a line, which gave me time to have this conversation with myself in my head. I finally chose to keep my promise, and I went with original glazed. And it was especially yummy since I chose to stay on plan. Nothing tastes as good as keeping promises to yourself feels.

Promise kept. Integrity intact.

And just an example from yesterday afternoon. Side note: I find it interesting that when you’re working on something— like this blog post, for example, things happen that go right along with what you’re working on. And that can be good or bad…

I’ve finally gotten back into running a few minutes at a time after my foot surgery, and I was so excited to run 3 days a week (my promise to myself) and do some resistance work as I can while I’m here in Utah since Kam has a really nice trail within walking distance from her house. I ran last Wednesday and Saturday, and things went well. My right knee had been bothering me a bit, but I figured it was just from life the past week. Then yesterday I went for a run, and my knee hurt so bad (like when I tore my meniscus a few years ago) that I was doing this limping running thing. I knew that wasn’t a good thing to do, so I stopped and just walked. As I was just walking, I had another internal conversation in my head (seeing a pattern?): “Your knee hurts, so you better not work out while you’re in Utah. But you can go to the gym and at least do upper body. But it takes time to drive to and from the gym, and with working while I’m here and helping Kam and Steven, time is very precious. But you have some bands with you that you can use for upper body, and you did promise yourself you’d work out 3 days a week. But I don’t get a great workout in with those bands.” And so on. But I did come to the conclusion that I need to do some type of workout 3 days a week to keep my promise.

Promise kept. Integrity intact. Especially since I’ve made this promise public. No going back now!

Promises can change too. Once you make a promise, it doesn’t mean that promise is set in stone forever. Take my monthly challenges, for example. I decided to take Sundays off if I want to, and that’s okay. The important thing is that any promise is one you can keep all the time. No matter what.

Since I first read about promises so many years ago, they have seriously changed my life. When I’m keeping my promises to myself, I nail my goals.

When I don’t, there’s not so much nailing going on. And I know that I’ve let myself down, and my personal integrity suffers.

Wanna’ give it a try? What’s something you’ve been wanting to accomplish? Make that first small, simple promise to yourself today, and if you want some extra accountability, leave it in a comment below and then come back and report how you did.

Accountability is also a powerful tool to help you keep your promises and integrity intact. 😉

And seriously, how could I even think of publishing this post without adding a picture of our cute new grandson? Introducing Braden John Besendorfer, who joined us on November 29th, weighing in at 7 lbs, 15 oz, and 19 3/4 inches long. To say he’s a dream baby is an understatement—he only cries when he gets really hungry. And we’re all totally in love with him! 😍